Change

Change is good. Most of us agree with that. I, for one, don't usually deal with change that well. At least not big change. But last night, as I was looking out my bedroom window, it occurred to me that it was this time last year that I really began seeking after God in a serious way. This time last year was when I began to really put God first and to fully submit to His Will for my life, no matter what that was.

I've said this before and I will say it again, I can't believe how much God has changed me in the last year. Many people here in Anderson were spared from knowing who I was before I committed myself to God. I say spared because without God, I was a pretty bad person. I was so flippin' selfish, dishonest, angry, and afraid. It is really difficult to put into words because I was still me in terms of my basic personality traits, but everything was skewed. My priorities were out of order. I didn't have much room to really care about other people, even those I truly loved. On the surface, I talked a big game, but I exhibited nothing to back it up in my actions. I often wonder what people who were my friends during that time would think now. Would they believe it? Would they think it was real? Would they see me and see God in me or just somebody who got tired of hurting himself and other people? Would they think of me as a hypocrite? I've prayed that no matter what I had to endure, no matter what was required, I wanted my actions to reflect me and the person that God had made. I have prayed continual that my words and actions would match up. I've prayed knowing that it is easy to tell God "thank you" with my mouth, but I wanted my actions to say "thank you" more than my mouth ever does.

I haven't been perfect, but for the first time in a very long time, I can look back on the last year of my life and not see any regrets. I have made mistakes, but I have no true regrets. What a great feeling. But it wasn't me who did this. All I did was submit myself. All I did was get on my knees and tell God that I was tired of being that way, of hurting myself, other people, and Him. All I did was tell Him that no matter what it was, I wanted His Will for my life and not mine. The rest was ALL HIM.